Ok, I’m sorry to break the narrative thread here, but I just had to comment on the newest Zombie Creation Theory. Granted, the “scientific” community has already forwarded a number of wonderful theories for our existence, such as:
* mold spores
* hormones and food additives
* heaven being full (okay, that one wasn’t cooked up by a scientist)
* first person shooter games
* syzygy (the straight-line alignment of three or more celestial bodies in a gravitational system) Apparently the Earth, moon, Pluto and of course the sun were all in alignment a week before Dallas Jones went undead. I actually like this theory).
* global warming
* subliminal messages in downloadable mp3s (what?)
* Apocalypse (Not from a scientist either, although the Rev. Nathan Mather sometimes adds “PHD” to his by-line).
* childhood inoculations
* Halle Bopp
And the latest and greatest:
Yes, friends, I walk the earth because of generations of Williamses before me eating microwaved food. According to Dr. Andrew Coti, the microwave alter foods’ DNA, which in turn altered my grandparents’ DNA, then my parents, then mine, and the cumulative effect of all this DNA altering is that me and my dead pals get to live after death.
You know, it isn’t even that I find this theory implausible (though I do) it’s just that I’m so sick of every lab jockey with a test tube rushing to judgment about us after a half-baked (or half ‘waved, I guess) experiment. Rather than rushing to market with your latest, mostly theoretical science project, why don’t you spend some actual time and brain power trying to figure out what really makes us tick?
I wonder what would happen if we ate microwaved brains?
What are some of the zombie creation theories that you have heard?