A Message to the Horde

We are now six hundred strong--and so now it is time to strike! Arise! Arise, my undead brothers and sisters! Arise and FEAST on the FLESH of the LIVING! AH HA HA HA HAR ARGH NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM...

Just kidding. Honestly, after dying even having a hamburger sounds kind of gross, never mind "the flesh of the living". Yuck. I don't even know why I wrote that, I'm in a very strange mood lately. You know when you feel as though everything has changed, and yet, nothing has? Me, neither. I don't know what I'm talking about right now. I apologize in advance to all the trad folk on the Wall and here as visitors. I didn't mean to scare you or freak you out. Just having a little April Fool's fun.

But, on a serious note--six hundred! And it isn't just The Wall that is growing--we've had more permanent guests here at the Haunted House in the past week than we had in the first few months after we moved to Oakvale. The "official reports" say that there are less than two-thousand of us, but I think those numbers might be considerably off.

Like I wrote the other day...I'm feeling that it is time for a change. Many changes, even.

Zombie Social Networking

I just wanted to make everyone aware that a virtual Haunted House was created by a friendly zombie/trad coalition. If you ever want to hang out and discuss all things zombie on the web, it is a great place to be. They discuss books there as well so if you like to read, check it out. Zombies, living people, and yetis are all welcome.

Click the link and register today: The Haunted House

Attack of the Yeti

Global warming seems to have given Oakvale a hall pass because we've had three solid days of snow. What, you might ask, is the favorite pastime of differently biotic youth when it is snowing outside? Making snow zombies? Cross-country skiing?

Nope. Snowball fight.

Snowball fights are pretty fun when you A). Don't get tired B). Don't get hurt and C). Don't get cold. We had pretty much the whole Haunted House crew out in the Oxoboxo woods bombarding each other. Tayshawn is pretty darn good with a snowball; he must have pasted me a dozed or so times.

The fight lasted for hours. One of the funniest things I think I've ever seen is when Kevin and I took refuge behind a snowbank to ambush Popeye and Tayshawn, only it wasn't a snowbank--it was Mal. He'd must have been hiding there for hours waiting for someone top come by, and when he rose up out of the snow, frost and ice clinging to him like a second skin, we were so startled we kind of just both flopped on our backs. Kevin had just enough time to scream "Yeti!" before Mal dropped boulder-sized snowballs on us. Mal paid the price later, because he's so huge all you have to do is throw a snowball in the same zip code where he's standing to hit him.

I guess it is supposed to stop snowing sometime later today, just in time to get the roads cleared so those of us that go to school can get there. Joy.

Holiday Report

Faith and I went to the Haunted House on Christmas morning after exchanging presents. She bought me a nice pair of hiking boots and some other hiking gear and clothes; I went with an "all living" Christmas theme this year, giving her two potted plants, a cactus, and a hermit crab in a tank. Have you ever tried to wrap a cactus?

Karen and Margi made it over to the HH, but neither Adam or any of our other beating heart friends were able to come, which is too bad because we had a blast. The zombies had decorated a tree outside because they didn't want to cut one down for the inside. There were some decorations inside, and even Popeye got into the spirit by walking around wearing some ornaments. I won't tell you what he did with the hooks, though. Mal played Santa, wearing a hat and beard that Karen had picked up for him. Pretty much everyone from the HH community was there except for Tak.

The kids were pretty enthused about the gifts (no hovercraft as I mentioned, and we decided against the television and video games in the end), especially the art supplies. But you know what ended up being the hit gift of the whole event? Something that Karen (who swears she doesn't have a creative bone in her body) picked up: a spice rack.

Yes, a spice rack. The idea, she said, was that we could all use it to "practice" our sense of smell. How we're supposed to practice a sense I don't quite understand, but it was pretty interesting to everyone to discover that almost everyone could recognize cinnamon. I ended up being able to identify six of the seven spices on the rack, losing only to Karen, who edged me out of first place by correctly identifying turmeric. Turmeric? I don't think I could get that one right if I was alive, even.

"The sense of smell is our sense most connected with memory," Karen told everyone. This led to a number of people sharing cinnamon-infused memories of holiday's past, back when they were with their families, back when they were alive. It was a little nostalgic, a little sad, a little hilarious and mostly happy and heart-warming, the way all the best recollections are.

I thought I saw Tak drifting through the woods like a shadow when Faith and I were headed to the car to leave, but if it was him, he didn't answer when I called.

The Gift List

This is what we've been able to buy for the Haunted House zombies thus far:

4 sets of magic markers

2 boxes of blue pens

1 box of black pens

1 package of pencils

1 huge box of copier paper

8 wirebound notebooks

two pencil sharpeners, a stapler, three pairs of scissors, one of them left handed

17 books

A four person hovercraft

Various balls, Nerf and otherwise

Two baseball gloves and a bat

14 assorted stuffed animals of various sizes

2 decks of cards

The game of Life

The Dungeons and Dragons core rulebook set, with two sets of dice

A lava lamp

A huge pile of clothes from Goodwill.

Many thanks to Phoebe and Margi for picking all this stuff up. We've still got some money left and the consensus seems to be more art supplies.

PS I was just kidding about the hovercraft

The Spirit

Great, great news on the Zombie present drive. Three amazing things--

A). Everyone who is participating in the work study at the Hunter Foundation has offered to donate one weeks' pay to "the cause".

B). The Hunter Foundation is donating a Wii along with a few games--Rock Band, Tennis, and Bowling. There's some stuff they are asking us to do--they want us to keep track of progress in the games to see if playing has any effect on zombie motor control. I didn't have the heart to tell them we don't have a television at the Haunted House; maybe one will turn up.

C). I emailed Skip Slydell about what we were trying to do and he sent along (overnight!) a generous assortment of Slydellco. samples and products, including

Z, the body spray for the active Undead Male

Lady Z, (which, although there's no tag line, is presumably for the Active Undead Female)

Kiss of Life lip gloss

Arise! Invigorating Facial Cleanser (Invigorating?)

and various shampoos, conditioners, and skin creams "specially formulated for active undead teens". There were also a few shirts and hats in the big box with some of his new designs. The one I liked most was a black shirt that says I Wasn't Finished in an elegant white Gothic script.

(All products trademarked by Slydellco.)

Things are shaping up for a festive holiday season at the HH. Let's hope nothing happens to wreck it all.

Our Thanksgiving

I watched Faith eat part of a turkey pot pie (one of the big square ones) with slices of canned cranberry sauce on the side. She even fed Gamera some pieces of the crust from the table.

Afterwards we drove over to the Haunted House where she gave all my dead friends hugs in lieu of pie. I miss pumpkin pie almost as much as turnip; I must have had a think for round, orange foods. Like oranges. We stayed there until late at night, when the cold that none of us but her could feel started seeping through her coat. The kids were sad to see her go, but they were the happiest I've seen them since before Karen and I and a few of the others went back to school.

Thanks, Mom.

Haunted House

I went to the Haunted House today after school. As usual, people were fighting over what to listen to. As much as everyone fights about it, though, music seems to be the quickest way to find common ground when people are in the right mood. We ended up listening to some industrial noise band that Popeye likes. Not my kind of thing, but Kevin, who is kind of a classic rock guy, and Jacinta, who is pop all the way, said that they liked it. Kind of hard to dance to, though.

What's on your iPod right now?

Costumes

Hello!

Karen here, with a quick Halloween update. We've decided to have the first annual Haunted House Haunted House party this Halloween, in lieu of the treats that most of us have no use for (we're going to avoid tricks for the time being also, actually). I've done a quick poll of some of our friends to see what they are planning on going as, and here's what they told me, along with my own editorial comments:

Phoebe: A flapper (ooooh, pretty, I bet!)

Margi: Countess Bathory (Huh?)

Tommy: A zombie (jerk!)

Colette: "Evil Tinkerbell" (huh?)

Kevin: Rorschach (some sort of superhero, I guess)

Tak: (Stares sullenly, doesn't answer question)

Popeye: Pinhead (I won't tell you how he's making his "costume")

Tayshawn: Indiana Jones (Good for you!)

Adam: A zombie (big jerk!)

Sylvia: Hannah Montana

Melissa: Clown (Scary!)

Jacinta: "The Green Woman" (Not sure what this means, but apparently it involves wearing shrubbery)

Mal: Dumbledore (I can't wait!)

I was going to go as a "Traditionally Biotic Person" and dress in a way that I imagined would be incredibly ironic and funny, but A). I started to think it was a lame idea when Adam and Tommy shared their "ideas", and B). I kind of dress that way all the time, anyway.

So I need your help: What should my costume be?

What are you going as?

Ideas, people! (And please--don't tell me I should be a cheerleader!)

Bye sweeties!

Virtual Wall of the Dead

We have a wall in the Haunted House where we've put up pictures of all the zombies we know in person or through the Internet. With some of the new Blogger features, we can do the same thing here on mysocalledundeath. Click the link under "The Wall" if you'd like to post your picture. Zombies and beating hearts alike are welcome.

Also, if you want to subscribe to the posts and/or the comments, click the links beneath the one for the wall.

Respect My Authoritah

Just a quick note on Haunted House politics--a few of you have mentioned that I/we should have forbade Tak to let Bobby go on this "secret mission". Well, I just wanted to let you all know that no one here really has any authority to prevent someone from doing something. Everyone is here by choice (or at least, they are here because they don't have the choice of going home)and we try to keep things as democratic as possible. Tak and anybody else can come and go as they choose, and they don't really have to answer to anyone. I'd like to think that people would keep each other informed--but there aren't any "laws" that say they have to.

BOBBY UPDATE

Bobby came back last night like nothing had changed, apparently having completed his mission. I don't know what it was, and I don't really care. I'm just glad he's relatively safe.

Secret Mission?

So Tak, who hasn't been around much since he ditched Karen's attempt to get his meme, asks for "a meeting" at the Haunted House. For some reason he and I never just talk, we always have to have a "meeting". He tells me not to worry about Bobby because he sent him on, and I quote, a "secret mission". I couldn't get him to elaborate any further.

I don't know what scares me more, white vans or the idea of Tak sending people on secret missions.

But I thanked him anyway, and I let him know that the Hunter Foundation was still looking for people who wanted to participate in the Undead Studies class.

You should have seen his expression.

The Voice of Generation Dead

I was at the Haunted House the other day with Karen. We were looking at the "Wall of the Dead", where we post up all of the photos of zombies that we've taken or that people have sent us, and I commented that there were about twice as many as there were just a couple months ago.

Takayuki was playing cards on the floor with Tayshawn and this new kid everyone calls Popeye. Popeye is kind of weird--he never takes his sunglasses off, for starters, and he thinks he's an artist or something. Anyhow, he hears me make this comment and says "And we owe it all to you, Tommy Williams--the voice of Generation Dead." Imagine your most sarcastic friend using his/her most sarcastic tone, with a few speech pauses, and you'll be pretty close to how Popeye sounded.

Tak told him to shut up and play. Tak and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but there's a grudging respect between us, I guess.Popeye did like he was told but his words got me thinking. I was standing there, looking at all these zombie kids, most of them lost or forgotten or abandoned, and his words rang in my ear. I almost felt dizzy.

"Don't be mad, Tommy," Karen said, like she could sense what I was feeling. She's got a habit of knowing my thoughts. "Even though he was being a jerk, he's right. And it's a good thing."

I hope she's right. There's more kids on that wall every day.