Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Helping the Horde Get Animated!

There are now more than three hundred people on the Wall, zombie and trad alike. I had no idea that we would get so much support in such a short time.

I've been thinking about how I want to make Get Animated! more impactful this year; I think it will involve more than playing school sports and going to school dances. I want to initiate real change.

Can you tell I've been emailing Skip? That's why sort-of words like "impactful" start showing up in my vocabulary.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Holiday Report

Faith and I went to the Haunted House on Christmas morning after exchanging presents. She bought me a nice pair of hiking boots and some other hiking gear and clothes; I went with an "all living" Christmas theme this year, giving her two potted plants, a cactus, and a hermit crab in a tank. Have you ever tried to wrap a cactus?

Karen and Margi made it over to the HH, but neither Adam or any of our other beating heart friends were able to come, which is too bad because we had a blast. The zombies had decorated a tree outside because they didn't want to cut one down for the inside. There were some decorations inside, and even Popeye got into the spirit by walking around wearing some ornaments. I won't tell you what he did with the hooks, though. Mal played Santa, wearing a hat and beard that Karen had picked up for him. Pretty much everyone from the HH community was there except for Tak.

The kids were pretty enthused about the gifts (no hovercraft as I mentioned, and we decided against the television and video games in the end), especially the art supplies. But you know what ended up being the hit gift of the whole event? Something that Karen (who swears she doesn't have a creative bone in her body) picked up: a spice rack.

Yes, a spice rack. The idea, she said, was that we could all use it to "practice" our sense of smell. How we're supposed to practice a sense I don't quite understand, but it was pretty interesting to everyone to discover that almost everyone could recognize cinnamon. I ended up being able to identify six of the seven spices on the rack, losing only to Karen, who edged me out of first place by correctly identifying turmeric. Turmeric? I don't think I could get that one right if I was alive, even.

"The sense of smell is our sense most connected with memory," Karen told everyone. This led to a number of people sharing cinnamon-infused memories of holiday's past, back when they were with their families, back when they were alive. It was a little nostalgic, a little sad, a little hilarious and mostly happy and heart-warming, the way all the best recollections are.

I thought I saw Tak drifting through the woods like a shadow when Faith and I were headed to the car to leave, but if it was him, he didn't answer when I called.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Gift List

This is what we've been able to buy for the Haunted House zombies thus far:

4 sets of magic markers

2 boxes of blue pens

1 box of black pens

1 package of pencils

1 huge box of copier paper

8 wirebound notebooks

two pencil sharpeners, a stapler, three pairs of scissors, one of them left handed

17 books

A four person hovercraft

Various balls, Nerf and otherwise

Two baseball gloves and a bat

14 assorted stuffed animals of various sizes

2 decks of cards

The game of Life

The Dungeons and Dragons core rulebook set, with two sets of dice

A lava lamp

A huge pile of clothes from Goodwill.

Many thanks to Phoebe and Margi for picking all this stuff up. We've still got some money left and the consensus seems to be more art supplies.

PS I was just kidding about the hovercraft

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Spirit

Great, great news on the Zombie present drive. Three amazing things--

A). Everyone who is participating in the work study at the Hunter Foundation has offered to donate one weeks' pay to "the cause".

B). The Hunter Foundation is donating a Wii along with a few games--Rock Band, Tennis, and Bowling. There's some stuff they are asking us to do--they want us to keep track of progress in the games to see if playing has any effect on zombie motor control. I didn't have the heart to tell them we don't have a television at the Haunted House; maybe one will turn up.

C). I emailed Skip Slydell about what we were trying to do and he sent along (overnight!) a generous assortment of Slydellco. samples and products, including

Z, the body spray for the active Undead Male

Lady Z, (which, although there's no tag line, is presumably for the Active Undead Female)

Kiss of Life lip gloss

Arise! Invigorating Facial Cleanser (Invigorating?)

and various shampoos, conditioners, and skin creams "specially formulated for active undead teens". There were also a few shirts and hats in the big box with some of his new designs. The one I liked most was a black shirt that says I Wasn't Finished in an elegant white Gothic script.

(All products trademarked by Slydellco.)

Things are shaping up for a festive holiday season at the HH. Let's hope nothing happens to wreck it all.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Zombies in the Mall

Went to the mall this weekend with Margi and Phoebe to do some holiday shopping. I wore a heaving coat, big scarf and big ski hat so that no one would see I was a zombie, not because I'm ashamed of who I am but because I really didn't anyone hassling the girls. I picked up a few presents for my Mom.

As we were walking around, Phoebe had the great idea of having a bunch of us chip in on little presents for the Haunted House gang, but we really didn't see anything that jumped out (we did see some plastic glow in the dark zombies, but they were really zombified, old school zombies and I don't think most of the kids would appreciate the irony).

We need some ideas. Were thinking small and relatively inexpensive. Can any of you help?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Our Thanksgiving

I watched Faith eat part of a turkey pot pie (one of the big square ones) with slices of canned cranberry sauce on the side. She even fed Gamera some pieces of the crust from the table.

Afterwards we drove over to the Haunted House where she gave all my dead friends hugs in lieu of pie. I miss pumpkin pie almost as much as turnip; I must have had a think for round, orange foods. Like oranges. We stayed there until late at night, when the cold that none of us but her could feel started seeping through her coat. The kids were sad to see her go, but they were the happiest I've seen them since before Karen and I and a few of the others went back to school.

Thanks, Mom.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Giving Thanks

I'm very thankful for all of you, my friends, zombie and trad alike.

And I'm very thankful just to be here.

I really, really, really wish that I could have some turnip tomorrow

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Zombie Horde Grows

Wow-we've got over 200 people on the wall! I feel so happy that there are so many people out here supporting the differently biotic I almost feel...alive. Thank you all so much.

Plus, I've always secretly harbored a desire to be part of a horde.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Haunted House

I went to the Haunted House today after school. As usual, people were fighting over what to listen to. As much as everyone fights about it, though, music seems to be the quickest way to find common ground when people are in the right mood. We ended up listening to some industrial noise band that Popeye likes. Not my kind of thing, but Kevin, who is kind of a classic rock guy, and Jacinta, who is pop all the way, said that they liked it. Kind of hard to dance to, though.

What's on your iPod right now?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Creepiest Thing

Today my Mom was driving us down to the beach (I know, it's a little cold but it is nice to walk along the boardwalk when no one else is around). We saw three identical white vans in a row, maintaining distance and driving the same speed. Not like soccer-mom minivans either, but the larger cargo vans with no windows except in the cab and small ones on the back doors.

She made me get down in my seat when she passed them. She said she couldn't see much, except that each van had a male driver and passenger wearing what looked like dark blue jackets and blue ball caps. Every one she could see was wearing sunglasses as well, even though it was kind of a gray day.

She said the driver of the lead car is the only one that looked over at her. She wasn't sure, but she thought he might have given her a little nod.

She didn't want to go to the beach after that, but I insisted. We actually had a pretty good time. The seagulls don't care that I'm dead.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Halloween Recap

I just have to say that Karen was an exceptional Jeannie. And Phoebe was stunning as a flapper. I wanted to reread The Great Gatsby while listening to the Squirrel Nut Zippers after seeing her.

I didn't dress up, but I did hand out two Snickers bars to kids that trick or treated at the trailer park where I live. They're nice kids.

We had a little gathering at the Haunted House--we didn't get any Trick or Treaters, but Margi and Phoebe stopped by after driving Kevin and Karen around to look at the little kids going around Oakvale Manor.

Did I mention that Margi has her drivers' license? There, I just told you a horror story. Who says I don't have any Halloween spirit?


Wednesday, October 29, 2008



Karen here, with a quick Halloween update. We've decided to have the first annual Haunted House Haunted House party this Halloween, in lieu of the treats that most of us have no use for (we're going to avoid tricks for the time being also, actually). I've done a quick poll of some of our friends to see what they are planning on going as, and here's what they told me, along with my own editorial comments:

Phoebe: A flapper (ooooh, pretty, I bet!)

Margi: Countess Bathory (Huh?)

Tommy: A zombie (jerk!)

Colette: "Evil Tinkerbell" (huh?)

Kevin: Rorschach (some sort of superhero, I guess)

Tak: (Stares sullenly, doesn't answer question)

Popeye: Pinhead (I won't tell you how he's making his "costume")

Tayshawn: Indiana Jones (Good for you!)

Adam: A zombie (big jerk!)

Sylvia: Hannah Montana

Melissa: Clown (Scary!)

Jacinta: "The Green Woman" (Not sure what this means, but apparently it involves wearing shrubbery)

Mal: Dumbledore (I can't wait!)

I was going to go as a "Traditionally Biotic Person" and dress in a way that I imagined would be incredibly ironic and funny, but A). I started to think it was a lame idea when Adam and Tommy shared their "ideas", and B). I kind of dress that way all the time, anyway.

So I need your help: What should my costume be?

What are you going as?

Ideas, people! (And please--don't tell me I should be a cheerleader!)

Bye sweeties!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

All in All

Sweet--we now have over a hundred people--zombies/beating hearts/trads/differently biotic and maybe even some vampires (they aren't real, are they?).

Congrats to Erin!Mal for being #100. You will be given a hall pass when the inevitable zombie invasion occurs.

I'm just kidding.

About the hall pass.

I mean the zombie invasion.


Anyhow, if each of you were to recruit one more person, we'd have 200 people "on the wall". Two hundred and two, actually, thanks to our one hundred and first member, TheRealDeal04_Vamp.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Kevin's Meme

Kevin Zumbrowski's meme, as collected by Karen and posted by me:

1. How did you die? An illness that I don't want to talk about. Even though I'm dead I still have nightmares about it.

2. How long have you been gone? A year

3. Death age/true age? 15/16

4. What do you miss most about being alive? I had a great collection of action figures.

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Nothing

6. How did your family react to you coming back? My parents thought I was a monster and wouldn't let me come home. My uncle drove me all the way from New Hampshire to drop me off at the Hunter Foundation.

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? Not being able to speak quickly so everyone thinks I'm dumber than I really am.

8. Visible signs of zombiism? I'm slow, pale, and not growing.

9. Goals/ambition? I'd like to have another family some day

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." Be happy with what I have.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

History Test

The final results:

Tommy: 97
Phoebe: 97
Thorny: 91

Margi and Thorny have to split the on the milkshake bill and on my comic book. Thorny lost most of his points on the multiple choice questions, Margi got all of those but got marked off for her essay.

Thorny asked me if I wanted to go double or nothing on the quiz we have coming up: not above trash talking, I told him he might as well buy me a subscription now and end the suspense.

Monday, September 29, 2008



Tommy is letting me take the blog today. He's off studying (and for those that care, he got a 97 on the History test that Gamera tried to help him fail). He's such a smartie--I can't say that all the extra time I get with not sleeping has improved my study habits at all. I'm B minus all the way.

I manage to keep things interesting, though. On Friday on was given a detention by Principal Kim because the length of my skirt violated some arcane dress code policy. I tried to point out that my skirt was no shorter than those worn by the Oakvale High cheerleading squad, but that didn't get me anywhere. Then I told the principal that I was proud of her for not going easy on me because I was a zombie, that her universal and non-prejudicial application of stupid, outdated rules was to be commended.

She told me I better zip my lip and get to my next class if I didn't want her to double the detention.

Oh well. Time, I've got.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

We Don't Need No Thought Control

Another twenty people--some zombies--have posted on The Wall. Very, very cool.

I think I'm ready for the History test. I've been studying with Phoebe, Margi, and Thornton J. Harrowwood, who prefers for some off reason to be called "Thorny". We usually go to Phoebe's or Margi's, because my mom's trailer isn't big enough and Mr. Harrowwood doesn't allow "corpses" in the house.

Thorny is a pretty competetive guy. He proposed that whoever got the lowest grade on the history test has to buy the others a milkshake at the Honeybee Diary. Margi smacked him, and it took him a minute to realize that I don't drink milkshakes anymore.

I told him he can buy me the new issue of Batman when he loses.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Gamera's Revenge

Proof Positive that my cat, Gamera, hates me: I came back from the Haunted House Sunday night to discover that he had shredded my History notebook, and I have a test this week. Such a dear, sweet kitty.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Wall

Pretty impressive--since inviting people to send pics to the Wall of the Dead, we've had 41 people, zombies and trads alike, join. And what a good looking group we have.

You know what makes me happy? The fact that Rae, my bus driver, seems to not care that she has zombies on her bus. I wish that all of my teachers were the same way--they don't do anything really overt, but you can tell the ones who wish we'd just lie down already.

Sorry, folks. Not going to happen.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Old School

No tacks were inserted into my body today, which is cool. There was a petition going around the school to ban zombies from the cafeteria, because apparently the very sight of us makes some students nauseous. There are a few zombies that have the same lunch period as I do--Colette Beauvoir and Kevin Zumbrowski, but I don't have any classes with either one of them. Most of the zombies, regardless of what age they are, are in a remedial-type classes, not necessarily because of any real learning disabilities or deficiencies, but more because they can't express themselves quickly enough. Karen (who seems to be the only other zombie in ""mainstream" classes" calls their condition "reverse A.D.D." Attention Surplus Disorder? Maybe someone can invent a zombie Ritalin which will get us to move faster. The school doesn't really seem to know what to do with us, but then again I'm not sure that schools knew how to deal with ADD kids back in the day, either.

I've got a couple classes with Thornton Harrowwood, a traditionally biotic boy who is unlike most of his trad peers in that he doesn't seem to notice I'm dead. Most people call him "Thorny". He'll ask me questions about it sometimes--what is it like being dead, do you ever sneeze, etc.--but just from being curious, not like he's trying to start something.

He's a pretty cool kid. I hope he doesn't take any heat for talking to me.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Virtual Wall of the Dead

We have a wall in the Haunted House where we've put up pictures of all the zombies we know in person or through the Internet. With some of the new Blogger features, we can do the same thing here on mysocalledundeath. Click the link under "The Wall" if you'd like to post your picture. Zombies and beating hearts alike are welcome.

Also, if you want to subscribe to the posts and/or the comments, click the links beneath the one for the wall.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Stranger Than Fiction

You know what one of the Top Ten things that many zombies list as being one of the things they miss most about life? Right after family, friends, pets, food,sleep or their favorite hobby?


Karen and I are two of the lucky ones, who have parents that insist we keep going to school. Many zombies that don't have a parent or legal guardian either can't get to school or aren't allowed to attend, and many school systems across the country don't allow any zombie students.

Of course, I wasn't feeling like one of the lucky ones yesterday after someone put a sign on my back. Instead of the traditional "Kick Me" it said "Kill Me". And instead of the traditional tape, whoever hung the sign used a thumbtack. I didn't feel it.

Mrs. Rodriguez was kind enough to remove the tack for me.

Don't get me wrong, though. Overall, I like school.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Respect My Authoritah

Just a quick note on Haunted House politics--a few of you have mentioned that I/we should have forbade Tak to let Bobby go on this "secret mission". Well, I just wanted to let you all know that no one here really has any authority to prevent someone from doing something. Everyone is here by choice (or at least, they are here because they don't have the choice of going home)and we try to keep things as democratic as possible. Tak and anybody else can come and go as they choose, and they don't really have to answer to anyone. I'd like to think that people would keep each other informed--but there aren't any "laws" that say they have to.


Bobby came back last night like nothing had changed, apparently having completed his mission. I don't know what it was, and I don't really care. I'm just glad he's relatively safe.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Secret Mission?

So Tak, who hasn't been around much since he ditched Karen's attempt to get his meme, asks for "a meeting" at the Haunted House. For some reason he and I never just talk, we always have to have a "meeting". He tells me not to worry about Bobby because he sent him on, and I quote, a "secret mission". I couldn't get him to elaborate any further.

I don't know what scares me more, white vans or the idea of Tak sending people on secret missions.

But I thanked him anyway, and I let him know that the Hunter Foundation was still looking for people who wanted to participate in the Undead Studies class.

You should have seen his expression.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Change the Season Change Your Reason

Is it just me, or is it getting colder outside?

That's just a little joke. I don't really feel changes in temperature like that. But school has started, so I guess that would be an indicator.

Still no sign of Bobby.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Missing Zombie

Has anyone seen or heard from Bobby Hoffman? He's a newlydead that came to the Haunted House at the beginning of the summer. No one here has heard from him in a week.

It doesn't seem likely that he would take off without letting any of his friends know what he was doing.

If you have any info, please post.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Tak's Meme

Hi, sweeties! Karen DeSonne, girl reporter here! I wanted to bring you Tak's Meme today, and I thought he'd play nice because his "old school" bff's Popeye and Tayshawn gave theirs. Here is a fairly accurate transcript of my interview with him, which I conducted on the rotting porch of the Haunted House.

Karen: "Hi, Tak!"

Tak: (Stares, half his face hidden by his beautiful long black hair)

Karen: "Do you mind answering a few questions for the zombie meme? We just put Tayshawn's up at mysocalledundeath."

Tak: (Stares some more, cracks knuckles)

Karen: "Okay, then. Let's get started, shall we? Question number one: How did you die?

Tak: (Flips hair back, revealing hole in cheek, molars) "I was...never...alive."

Karen: (Taps pen, tilts chin, smiles prettily) "Now, be nice, Takky. I happen to know that you were killed riding your motorcycle on the Garden State Parkway. You told me yourself in an ungaurded moment!"

Tak: (Turns away, makes noise like piece of paper caught in electric fan)

Karen: (Flutters long lashes) "Okay, let's try this one: How long have you been a zombie?"

Tak: (Hides scars with hair-flip, looks away)

Karen: (Sparkly eyes narrowing) "Let me try that again. How...long...have...you been...a...zombie?"

Tak: "Why are you...pandering...to the...beating hearts, anyway?"

Karen: "We aren't 'pandering' to anyone, we're trying to raise consciousness and..."

Tak: (Gives dismissive wave, jumps off porch, walks towards woods)

Karen: (Shouting) "So I guess the interview is over, then?"

There it is, kiddies! The deepest, darkest secrets of that cutie, our very own teen heartthrob, Takayuki!

(P.S.: Sarcasm aside, Tak really isn't such a bad guy once you get to know him. He'll never win a merit badge in Plays Well WIth Others, tho. Bye!)

Monday, August 18, 2008

Tayshawn's Meme

Tayshawn's Meme

1. How did you die? Acute asthma atttack on the baseball field

2. How long have you been gone? About six months

3. Death age/true age? 16/16

4. What do you miss most about being alive? Sports

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Nothing

6. How did your family react to you coming back? Not so great

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? Being so slow

8. Visible signs of zombiism? My skin is now ash gray

9. Goals/ambition? None

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." Make sure I've got my inhaler

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Clean Up Your Mess

I got a hate mail post the other day, but unlike I most of the hate mail posts we get here at MySoCalledUndeath.com, this one actually made me think.

Basically, the poster's point was that we should think about what kind of world and culture we leave for future generations. Unfortunately, the poster (anonymous, of course)could not seem to make his or her point without cursing, and he/she went on to say that I am polluting the minds of children by writing about zombie-based concerns. I supposes s/he feels that I am also polluting the planet just by walking around, so what can you do. If it wasn't for the language (well, and the re-death threat)I would have liked to publish the post because I think it would have made for an interesting discussion.

But even a a dark cloud can produce a flash of light. What kind of world and culture are we leaving for future generations? Or creating for ourselves, for that matter.

Faith, my Mom, has a tendency to divide the people of the world in two basic camps: Givers and Takers. She doesn't think it matters what race, gender, nationality, preference, or age you are, whether you are the president of a major world power or a walking mushroom, you are either a giver or a taker. Givers, she'll explain (but you have to ask) are defined as people who "leave things better than how they found them", and takers "subtract--they ruin things for everyone."

It's easy to be a taker. Being a giver is much harder, because quite often in "giving", you might inadvertently "take away" from someone else. Not to beat my own drum, but I thought I was being a "giver" when I went out for the football team. Certain people--teammates, coaches, and people in the community--obviously felt that I was "taking".

It's something to think about.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Karen's Meme

1. How did you die? I'd rather not say

2. How long have you been gone? 2 years

3. Death age/true age? 16/18

4. What do you miss most about being alive? Sensation and unconditional love. I also wish my sister Caitlyn had been born when I was still alive so that I'd know what it really felt like to hold her.

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Don't have to sleep, don't have to diet.

6. How did your family react to you coming back? They didn't kick me out, which is something. I think they were more hurt about the way I died than me coming back.
My father seems to be "coming around" a bit more than Mom and treats me as though I were human. Almost.
Caitlyn was born about nine months after I died. I suppose that is a reaction, of sorts!

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? See above. Also I have to live in the basement even though there is an extra bedroom upstairs. Oh well, at least the basement is furnished!

8. Visible signs of zombiism? My skeery skeery eyes, which I'm told look like diamonds, and my pale skin and bleach blonde hair.

9. Goals/ambition? To live--really live--again!

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." Not do what I did.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Get Animated!

With the recent debate about whether or not I should accept corporate funding from Skip Slydell, and with an election coming, I've been trying to think of creative ways to advance the cause of getting rights for the differently biotic. Many of us have been dead long enough to be legal voting age--if in fact our citizenship hadn't expired when we did--but until Proposition 77 passes, and anti-zombie legislation like the Undead Citizens Act defeated, we don't really have any legal recourse.

I've been corresponding with a zombie in Ohio named Buttercup (she insists that is her real name, and she claims to be a third generation hippie) who has given me some good ideas, and after talking with the Haunted House crew we decided we would start brainstorming some ideas to affect positive social change--primarily for zombies, but in a way that would be good traditionally biotic people as well.

We're calling it the "Get Animated!" campaign (Get it? "Animated" as in "excited", and also "animated corpse". I thought it was a clever joke. Guess who thought of it?)

What are some of your ideas on how we can work together to make the world a better place for zombie and trad alike?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


I've been approached by Skip Slydell, owner, CEO and mail clerk of Slydellco for a possible business venture. Slydellco, you may be aware, are distributors of such fine products as the Z and Lady Z lines of cosmetics and personal hygiene products, not to mention a whole line of what my trad friends like to call "inactive wear"--t-shirts with pro-zombie slogans like "Some of My Best Friends are Dead" and "Open Graves, Open Minds".

Skip wants to pay for me to put banner ads for his products on the site. I've purposefully tried to shy away from any corporate sponsorship, but there are some zombies in the Haunted House that think we could put the money to some good uses. Others, of course, are totally opposed. I asked Tak and his reply was "I...don't even know...why...you would talk...to a beating heart." Real helpful, that guy.

I'm torn. While I've written before about how cheesy I think Skip's profiteering is, he does use a percentage of his profits for pro-zombie causes. And despite their sometimes goofy message, I do think his products end up increasing awareness for our plight. To be totally forthcoming, I myself wear Z occasionally and am told it smells nice.

But straight-out corporate sponsorship? I don't know. I think I'd feel kind of icky.

What do you think?

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Popeye's Meme

I don't know how Karen got Popeye to do this--must be the sweet talk.

Be advised, his relationship with the truth (and reality)is somewhat tenuous. I think they decided to "just be friends".

1. How did you die? I was struck by lightning

2. How long have you been gone? Three years

3. Death age/true age? Eighteen/Twenty-one

4. What do you miss most about being alive? Nothing

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Everything about being a zombie is cool, especially the reduced ticket prices at the theater. Tak and I went to see Wall-E this weekend.

6. How did your family react to you coming back? They were so jealous of me thew threw me out of the house.

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? When other zombies don't understand my art.

8. Visible signs of zombiism? I am an artist, and my art is performing Bodifications, which are even more radical than piercings or tattoos. I did one on my left rib cage, left calf, and left shoulder. Plus, there's the reason for my nickname.

9. Goals/ambition? To be the greatest zombie artist--and therefore the greatest artist, period--ever

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." Pray for the day I could become a zombie.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

We Are Now Experiencing Technical Difficulties

If you tried to post this week, you might have noticed that your posts did not take right away. I think that anti-zombie hackers are responsible.

Some of the posts that you made appear under my name because that was the only way I could rescue them from the hackers. Sorry for any convenience.

Mal and Colette, BTW, thank you all for the outpouring of support. Your posts have caused a number of the Haunted House crew to do memes which Phoebe and Karen will get to me for posting in the near future.

Plus, it is great so many of you from around the country are contributing your stories as well.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Mal's Meme

The following meme is from Mal, the largest zombie I know. Mal doesn't talk a whole lot, but he's sweet on Karen (who isn't) and he gave it to her. She and Phoebe are really into this meme for some reason.

Mal's Meme

1. How did you die? Shot in the back

2. How long have you been gone? two and a half years

3. Death age/true age? 18/20

4. What do you miss most about being alive? My grandmother's cooking, working out, my little boy. Not in that order.

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? No more pain. Physical pain.

6. How did your family react to you coming back? My ex-girlfriend won't see me and she won't let me see my son. I still visit my grandma, though it is hard for her.

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? Not seeing my son since I died

8. Visible signs of zombiism? Bullet holes in my back. Slow as molasses.

9. Goals/ambition? See my son one last time, even if he doesn't see me.

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." Be something I never tried to be...a father.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Colette's Meme


1. How did you die? I drowned in Lake Oxoboxo

2. How long have you been gone? about nine months

3. Death age/true age? 16/16

4. What do you miss most about being alive? Hanging out with my friends

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Nothing

6. How did your family react to you coming back? My father chased me off our lawn when I came back, and then my parents moved away without telling me where they were going.

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? See #6

8. Visible signs of zombiism? I'm very pale and very slow.

9. Goals/ambition? To find my older brother--I want to know what my parents told him about me.

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." talk to my parents about zombies and encourage them to be more understanding.

Monday, June 23, 2008

The Zombie Meme

Phoebe wrote this, and thought it would be a fun thing to do on the site. The first person she gave it to was Jacinta, a newlydead at the Haunted House. Phoebe's plan is to have as many zombies as possible fill it out, so feel free to cut and paste an answer.

Why she wants to do this, I have no idea. She also says that if you have any other good questions to post them.

1. How did you die?

2. How long have you been gone?

3. Death age/true age?

4. What do you miss most about being alive?

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie?

6. How did your family react to you coming back?

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie?

8. Visible signs of zombiism?

9. Goals/ambition?

10. "If I were alive today, I would..."


1. How did you die? I can't tell you, it's way too pathetic and embarassing. Lets call it "Death by Misadventure"

2. How long have you been gone? 3 months, 7 days, six hours.

3. Death age/true age? 14/14. I would have turned fifteen in October.

4. What do you miss most about being alive? My friend Cassandra. Her mother won't let her speak to me.

5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? Not having to go to bed.

6. How did your family react to you coming back? With surprise! But my parents were actually really happy. My little brother gets mad because he says I get all the attention now.

7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? Being pelted with rocks by kids I usedto babysit for.

8. Visible signs of zombiism? I have a really, really bad scar that I keep covered at all times. I'm very, very slow, too.

9. Goals/ambition? To live again!

10. "If I were alive today, I would..." listen to my parents more. OMG did I just type that????

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Voice of Generation Dead

I was at the Haunted House the other day with Karen. We were looking at the "Wall of the Dead", where we post up all of the photos of zombies that we've taken or that people have sent us, and I commented that there were about twice as many as there were just a couple months ago.

Takayuki was playing cards on the floor with Tayshawn and this new kid everyone calls Popeye. Popeye is kind of weird--he never takes his sunglasses off, for starters, and he thinks he's an artist or something. Anyhow, he hears me make this comment and says "And we owe it all to you, Tommy Williams--the voice of Generation Dead." Imagine your most sarcastic friend using his/her most sarcastic tone, with a few speech pauses, and you'll be pretty close to how Popeye sounded.

Tak told him to shut up and play. Tak and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but there's a grudging respect between us, I guess.Popeye did like he was told but his words got me thinking. I was standing there, looking at all these zombie kids, most of them lost or forgotten or abandoned, and his words rang in my ear. I almost felt dizzy.

"Don't be mad, Tommy," Karen said, like she could sense what I was feeling. She's got a habit of knowing my thoughts. "Even though he was being a jerk, he's right. And it's a good thing."

I hope she's right. There's more kids on that wall every day.

Friday, June 13, 2008

A Thought for Summertime

It's getting hot outside. Don't forget to wear sunscreen.

I do. It works really, really well.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

White Vans, Part II

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a few days. Some days I'm just dead on my feet.

Sorry, just a little zombie humor, there. So yesterday I looked out the window and thought I saw a white van pull into the driveway of the trailer next to ours. I couldn't see it once it was parked, though, because the drive is on the other side of the trailer.

I went outside to investigate.I know I was being stupid, because Mom was at the hospital ministering the sick. So just Gamera and I were at home, and Gamera would probably love it if someone wrapped me in an old rug and threw me in the back of a van. But it was a bright sunny afternoon, so I didn't think they'd try anything. One of my neighbors was out working on his car, also. Besides, I'm the only dead person in the park, so if they had any business here at all, it was with me.

I went down the steps and crossed the space between our yards, trying not to drag-step too much. It's something I've been working on and have been mostly successful, but it is one of those things, like a nervous twitch or expression that I'm sometimes not even aware I'm doing it. But I got to the edge of the trailer and started to peer around the corner when the van kicked into gear and started roaring back down the driveway in reverse.

I got a really good look at the van and the driver. I got a totally clear look at the huge Fed Ex logo on the side. The driveway, when she saw me peeking at her like a moron, even smiled and waved at me.

How embarrassing.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

White Vans

I've seen a white van parked at the edge of the trailer park twice now. The second time I went outside to go take a look at the driver but I was still coming down the steps when it started up and drove away. I didn't see the driver or the plates. The white paint gleamed in the sunlight, making the vehicle look new or at least recently washed. There weren't any windows in the back, and the ones at the front were tinted. I've seen a similar van--or the same one--parked across the street from my school. I've never seen anyone get in or out of the vehicle.

I'm sure there are hundreds of thousands of white vans driving the roads of America, so I'm sure that me writing about them just makes me seem like a paranoid dead teen. But I do think that it is odd that out of the dozen or so articles I've found on the web regarding zombie abductions, two of them mention a white van as possibly being involved in the abduction. The detail stands out to me, mainly because such articles rarely have any detail at all beyond "a living impaired youth was reported taken"--half the time that's all you get, as though we don't have names.

Most zombie abductions--and reterminations--go unreported by traditional news sources, the stories surviving only as oral histories passed on among undead teens. Almost every zombie I know has known another that has been taken or reterminated. Even prior to starting this website and getting word of similar stories from around the country I personally knew three zombies that aren't to be found anymore. What happened to one of the three was a deciding fact in my mother's decision to move us to Oakvale.

So maybe I'm a paranoid maniac. Or maybe you ought to watch yourselves when you see shiny new white cargo vans parked and running on the shoulder of the road.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

That Voodoo That You Do

LATEST ZOMBIE CREATION THEORY: Our country has fallen victim to a voodoo curse placed upon it by a disgruntled witch doctor. Why the witch doctor was disgruntled at us, or how we could go about gruntling him/her and get the curse lifted is unclear.

I swear, people aren't even trying to come up with a realistic explanation any more. It seems more and more the "theories" offered are subtle attempts to demonize us--if we are the result of a voodoo curse, we must be evil. If we are harbingers of the end times, we must be evil, etc.

I was talking to Karen the other day and she said we should just come up with equally crazy theories that make happy fluffy associations in people's minds, instead of the dark/monstrous associations that are being made. As an example, she said that we were created when bee pollen fell onto our bodies from honeybees on their way to pretty flowers. This doesn't make any more or less sense than any of the other wacky ideas out there.

BTW, "gruntling" isn't a word, but I wish it was.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Lame Joke of a Brand New Day

This one isn't quite as offensive as the last.

What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Lame Joke of the Day

What do you call three zombies in a hot tub?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I Don't Miss Mosquitoes

Or colds, stubbed toes, shaving, or having to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

How about you? What don't you/wouldn't you miss?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I Miss Sleep

Also cheeseburgers, driving, the feel of sunshine on my face, team sports. Among other things.

For the zombies--what do you miss the most about being alive?

For the living--what do you think you would miss the most if you were a zombie?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

Today I just want to take a moment to say thank you to my mother, Faith Williams, for everything she does to support me. I am so, so fortunate to have a mother like Faith, who has stood by me through my death and everything else.

I'm especially thankful because many zombies are disowned by their parents, not allowed to return to their homes or, worse, driven from them. If anything, my death and the death of my father has brought us closer together. Faith is always there for me and I know she always will be.

I love you, Mom.


Saturday, May 10, 2008

Not Another Cat-Related Post

Today was the first day in three that it wasn't raining, so I went for a walk in the woods behind the trailer park. I don't know how long I was walking; time doesn't mean quite the same thing when you are dead, and we don't fatigue. Eventually I ended up at a lake. I sat down on a fallen tree on the shore and watched the water glitter for awhile.

After sitting awhile--it could have been minutes, it could have been hours--a butterfly alighted on my hand, and then I had two things to watch: the glittering water, and the butterfly poised upon my hand, slowly opening and closing bright wings as though stretching in anticipation of a long journey. The butterfly stayed for a few minutes--or it could have been hours--and then fluttered away out over the lake.

It was a start, I thought.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


I received an email from Lissa T., a zombie from Cincinnati, Ohio. Lissa wanted to let me know that since she died her cat is her only friend other than her little sister Tracy is her cat Gumball. After she died Lissa was no longer allowed to stay in her family's house, but her parents let her stay in a sheet metal tool shed at the edge of their property. Apparently Gumball likes to visit Lissa on the nights he gets locked outside. She said that in January and February Gumball liked to be wrapped in a blanket and sleep in her lap, but now that it is getting warmer she'd rather play.

So it appears that cats are not inherently prejudiced against zombies. It may well be that Gamera is just a jerk.

All the names in this post are changed except for Gamera's, because "Tracy" would be in major trouble if her parents knew that she was letting "Lissa" in the house to watch TV, use the computer, play Wii, etc. with her when they weren't home.

Gumball was the best I could come up with, sorry.

Does anyone else have any zombie-loving (or hating) animal stories?

Monday, May 5, 2008


A few weeks ago in my blog about zombie creation theory ( Stupid Theory of the Day, here). I made a comment about eating microwaved brains. Based on the amount of email I received, and the amount of hassle I received from friend and foe alike, I thought I should write.

I apologize if the “brains” comment offended you. It was just a joke. Yes, I realize that it could be interpreted as perpetuating a negative zombie stereotype. Oh excuuuuse me, a negative living impaired stereotype. I did not mean to offend anyone, least of all my fellow undead brothers and sisters. Well, maybe I did mean to offend someone, namely the “scientists” that seem to be more interested in getting money and publicity than they do in actually helping undead Americans.

But really, people—I think we need to work on developing our sense of humor as much as we work on trying to learn how to talk and walk again. I know what we all go through on a daily basis just trying to exist in a country that for the most part wishes we would just stay dead. I fear that if we lose our sense of humor about our condition, it is only a matter of time before the rest of the country gets their wish.

Friday, May 2, 2008

My Cat Hates Me

I really think my cat Gamera hates me. He rushes out the room whenever I enter, he makes a point of tossing kitty litter all over the floor when he knows I'm the only one home, and he chewed a big hole in one of my favorite basketball sneakers. You can tell me that he is just exhibiting normal feline behavior, by I think the truth is that he is prejudiced against dead people.

Then again, he wasn't overly fond of me when I was alive, either.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Dead Get to Vote, Living Dead Get Nothing

I saw this article in my home state about how lots of truly dead people are apparently voting each election:


Meanwhile, I'm legally prohibited from getting my drivers' license. I can't open a bank account. Most lawmakers and educators outside the Oakvale school district are unclear if I should be allowed to attend classes. I can't even get a library card.

Ok, technically I'm not of legal voting age anyway but this kind of thing really makes me paranoid. I sense the dark hand of conspiracy in this one--for "thousands" of dead people to be voting, there has to be some sort of organized effort to make it happen. I picture a parade of white vans rolling up to the polling booths.

Wouldn't it be ironic if all those dead voters who were the ones keeping the anti-zombie politicians in office?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Names Will Never Hurt Us

Don’t know what to call your undead neighbor? Not satisfied with any of the following charming and colorful terms: deadhead, corpsicle, worm burger, worm bait, shambler, ole stinky, smelly, hellspawn, pokey, rotter, deadsy, Mr. Squishy, old meat, cold meat, maggot brain, oozer, Scary Mary, Raggy Anne, flaky, Rigor Morty, Frankenstein, stiff, graymeat, carcass, necro, necrophiliac, ubergoth, graver, deader, decomposer?

None of those suit you? Well, how about Cadaver Vivens, which is the suggested new genus/species name for zombiekind. Translated literally, it means “living corpse”.


Would anyone else like to contribute a suggestion? Or is everyone happy with "zombie"?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Dead Man's Best Friend?

Dead Man’s Best Friend
This is great:


Glad to see the scientific community actually working on something useful. I can assure you all, however, that this is not how we were created.

I'm really hoping that Mom will let me get a zombie puppy to replace my cat Gamera, who hates me. I think she is prejudiced against undead people.

Stupid Theory of the Day

Ok, I’m sorry to break the narrative thread here, but I just had to comment on the newest Zombie Creation Theory. Granted, the “scientific” community has already forwarded a number of wonderful theories for our existence, such as:

* mold spores
* hormones and food additives
* heaven being full (okay, that one wasn’t cooked up by a scientist)
* first person shooter games
* syzygy (the straight-line alignment of three or more celestial bodies in a gravitational system) Apparently the Earth, moon, Pluto and of course the sun were all in alignment a week before Dallas Jones went undead. I actually like this theory).
* global warming
* subliminal messages in downloadable mp3s (what?)
* Apocalypse (Not from a scientist either, although the Rev. Nathan Mather sometimes adds “PHD” to his by-line).
* childhood inoculations
* Halle Bopp

And the latest and greatest:

Microwaved food

Yes, friends, I walk the earth because of generations of Williamses before me eating microwaved food. According to Dr. Andrew Coti, the microwave alter foods’ DNA, which in turn altered my grandparents’ DNA, then my parents, then mine, and the cumulative effect of all this DNA altering is that me and my dead pals get to live after death.

You know, it isn’t even that I find this theory implausible (though I do) it’s just that I’m so sick of every lab jockey with a test tube rushing to judgment about us after a half-baked (or half ‘waved, I guess) experiment. Rather than rushing to market with your latest, mostly theoretical science project, why don’t you spend some actual time and brain power trying to figure out what really makes us tick?

I wonder what would happen if we ate microwaved brains?

What are some of the zombie creation theories that you have heard?

Thursday, April 10, 2008


I’m Tommy Williams, thanks for stopping by MySoCalledUndeath.com. I’m currently a junior at Oakvale High School. I should be a senior but I stopped going to school for awhile after I died.

I’ve been dead a little over a year now. My mother and I moved to Oakvale after she’d had a discussion with the principal, who told her that Oakvale High was not averse to admitting “living impaired” students. Their term, not mine. Zombie is just aces by me. Most of the other undead kids I’ve met prefer being called zombies, although there are plenty of other fun names to choose from. Yes, I am being sarcastic.

There’s quite a few of us in Oakvale, and some zombies attend school with me. The zombie kids with families are usually the ones that end up in school, I’ve noticed. The ones who were abandoned, or worse, driven from their homes by violent means are the ones that have the most trouble.

I’m going to be writing for those kids in this blog, because they have zero voice in society. No one has figured out why so many American teens are coming back from the dead, but trying to figure out why it is happening is not going to be the main thrust of this blog, unless it is to comment on some of the more absurd theories out there as to why we exist. I’m sure I’ll write about my good pal “Reverend” Nathan Mather, who believes that we zombies are demons, the harbingers of an impending apocalypse. I’ve read his cheery books—he’s got a few out on us—and they sell really well despite being long, hateful tracts filled with speculation, lies and brimstone. Lots and lots of brimstone.

Enough of him for now. There are other people out there that want to help us, and I’ll write about them, too.

But mostly I’ll write about what “life” is like as a zombie. High school was hard enough when all we had to worry about was homework or the condition of our skin. Trying to get along when everyone else is alive and you’re not is just murder sometimes.