Today was the first day in three that it wasn't raining, so I went for a walk in the woods behind the trailer park. I don't know how long I was walking; time doesn't mean quite the same thing when you are dead, and we don't fatigue. Eventually I ended up at a lake. I sat down on a fallen tree on the shore and watched the water glitter for awhile.
After sitting awhile--it could have been minutes, it could have been hours--a butterfly alighted on my hand, and then I had two things to watch: the glittering water, and the butterfly poised upon my hand, slowly opening and closing bright wings as though stretching in anticipation of a long journey. The butterfly stayed for a few minutes--or it could have been hours--and then fluttered away out over the lake.
It was a start, I thought.
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35 comments:
that sound superrrrr pretty, and yes thats a very good start :]
what do you think? Butterflies = allies, cats = enemies?
There I go again, dragging cats into things.
no, i think that the butterflies have no perception of life and death, because they them selves are insects which is something most people stay away from, so really i think the butterfly was finding a friend in you :]
and cats are generally antisocial animals, if he didn't like you before you died i wouldn't think hed like you when after you died.
if any of that made sense at all.
I like your theory a lot better than mine. Thanks.
T
your welcome :]
its a cliche, the monster admiring all things naturally beautiful and kind. a very sweet one though. i dont wuite get what you meant by its a start, i got a few different meanings from it. they all go well but i feel compelled to know which you meant.
What makes you think that I view myself as a monster?
so we can call u a zombie, deadhead, ubergoth, deader, graver, and stuff but i cant call u a monster? thats a little hypocritical dont u think?
lets play the fool--
Actually, I'm not really fond of any of those names except zombie. Pretty much all of those names are used as insults by living people. We may call each other zombies, but the same word can be an insult in someone else's mouth.
I guess it is hard for me to hear the love in someone calling me a monster. I don't think of myself that way.
T.
i love da way butterflys are so free
they just flutter wherever they want spreading beautiful flowers every where even in the rain
i once got in trouble in band camp because i stoped to watch a butterfly cross the field in the middle of a formation
Wow that is a very good start i hope it gets even better
I remember in third grade we raised some monarch butterflies up from the cattepillar stage.
I was horrified to see that, up close, butterflies have six legs and buggy eyes and when they're fresh out of the crysalis, they're all wet and sticky. I refused to let them land on me. But then, I'm paranoid about anything with more than four legs anyway; even lady bugs freak me out if they're on me. What's weird though is I don't squish a bug unless I know it's something poisonous or that will get into our food and stuff, like ants or roachs. I don't ever squish ladybugs or spiders, because they're helpful bugs, and I don't squish earwigs because even though they look freaky, they don't do much harm either. But I still freak out if it they land on me, whether it's an earwig in my leotard (yes, this actually happened) or a ladybug falling on my leg. I think it's just the crawling-on-the-skin sensation that I don't like, I guess.
Did you feel it when it landed? I had gotten the impression that except for pain or maybe vibrations or whatnot, "zombies" couldn't feel that kind of thing, but then, supposedly there are DB kids who've started bleeding again or tasting food again, so that might not be true of everyone.
-Jamie
That happen to me one time it was amazing it kinda made being dead not so bad you know what i mean?
i think butterflies are a sign of goodluck so that is a really good start. so i think that if you give things time whether its an hour or just a few minutes that people or things like the butterfly eventually come around. its just harder for some people.
Jamie--I couldn't feel it when it landed. I can feel some things, but the stimulus has to be really intense, like the time someone shot an arrow through me.
Elizabeth--I so totally know what you mean.
Kris--that is a great sentiment, I hope you are right. And I didn't know butterflies were good luck. Thanks.
T.
Alright, I know this is an older post...but I still feel compelled to comment (I just found this today, so I was going through the older stuff to get more of an idea of who you are).
That moment you described sounded so perfect. I think it gives insight into what you are, Tommy.
Think about it. Butterflies go through their own proverbial "deaths" and emerge transformed. Sure, they take awhile to acclimate, remaining motionless for up to hours, letting their new wings dry. But then they fly away, newer and more beautiful than what they were before.
Of course, people are a lot more frightened by the concept of undead teenagers than by fluffy little butterflies. But I like the parallel. Don't you?
Who knows? Maybe you DB kids have potential that we don't yet know about. Only time will tell.
glorydazed i loved the way you related coming back to butterflies i think if more people thaught of it that way we may be able to better except the "zombies" of our world.
GloryDazed--that was very eloquent. Thank you.
T.
Tommy,
maybe if you try to pet or give your cat a treat maybe he'll start to except the fact that your a zombie but you still love him.
Kala, that's a good idea. I'll try some tasty bribes and see how it goes.
T.
Tommy--
Your perception of life is captivating for a DB. I realize that as a DB you are not stupid, but that it just disables the rate at which you 'come back to life.'
Anyways, the way you describe things is that of an experienced being..not just Human or DB. For you to have gone through all of the 'bioism' and people hating you as a DB, but not as YOU, your intake of life is utterly amazing, and I applaud the fact that you are brave enough to face the world. I know that I couldn't in your state.
I'm a huge fan of yours, by the way. Keep blogging it helps some of us, DB or not, modest/humble to hear what you are going through.
(And I think Gamera is just a bitter old kitty. Maybe he needs a cat-friend? That sounds like it would be the most effective way...):P
-Mall-
i was flipping through ur blogs an i just realised- why did u wait until it stopped raining to go for a walk?
your blog didnt have anything 2 do with cats but alot of your comments did..its great that you can tell the whole world about this i cant even tell my mom what i had for lunch...
Did you know that if a butterfly lands on you, it means good luck?
That's a very nice start,Johnny. I, myself, am not loved by cats either. They would claw my eyes out if I even thought of touching them. My dog isn't too fond of me, either :[ You're not alone.
hi hi pll
Oh I bet the butterfly was beautiful. Usaully, doves are a symbol of life but, I think that butterflies are a symbol of friendship,love and support. So I think butterflies are your luck charm tommy!!!Plus say hello to Adam for me.You're a great blogger Tommy.
Tommy, I have a question - What happened to you that you got shot by an arrow? When was that and why did someone do it? Well obviously they didn't like zombies but I would still like to know. I am a curious person.
Second, your post was very beautiful, that was my first thought of it. It sort of reminds me of a poem that I've written, only mine is morbidish, not beautiful.
Life
One day I saw
A leaf blowing away in the wind
And a butterfly lying on the side of the road, dead
It's beautiful wings were crushed.
Both were bright
Both were brief
Such is life
And so I weep.
Laughing and Grave (Serious)
Sounds kind of poetic... I like it.
I believe butterfly's are careers of souls ..Every time someone dies a butterfly collects there soul..im guessing that butterfly must have been confused.
when he died ..ther was a butterfly that came for his to..i watched it fluter away moments before i found out he was dead.
butterflys are like the clean up crew of the reaper..so to speak..
I find it strangely ironic ( I hope that's the right term for it) that a butterfly landed on you, seeing as the butterfly was an Ancient Greek symbol for death, it was supposed to represent the soul.
An omen of sort? Or just a tired butterfly taking a rest?
Butterfly joy ^_^
question. are you really a "zombie?" because if you are, you're my new best friend. (: & your cat doesn't hate you, it just seems that he's an antisocial cat to you. that's all. butterflies & insects get along with pretty much everything they encounter, as long as you don't bother them, then you're perfectly fine. :D
I don't know if this applies to real-world butterflies, but I think that for some Native American tribes they're a symbol of death and rebirth. In Asia, I believe they're a symbol of chaos. Not sure if that means anything.
Butterflys and lakes, yeah!
Lakes are the beuty of nature and butterflys are the miricale of lifeforms, awsome day.
-KayKat
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