Back From the Grave?

Break My Heart 1000 Times

Phoebe and Margi's favorite new book, which will be released officially October 16. PS: it's sooooo scary!

All Colette Wants for Christmas is...

Merry merry merry Christmas, everyone! I found Colette's very zombie Christmas list! It's pretty weird. She's been naughty all year so I don't think Santa will be delivering:

*A set of electric traaaaains

*Bread made of whole graaaaains

*A pair of Great Daaaaaaaanes

*A box of candy caaaaaanes

*An umbrella to stay dry when it raaaaaains

*Aspirin to cure all her paaaaains

*Oxiclean to remove stubborn staaaaaains

*Drano to clear clogged draaaaains

*And of course, the thing a zombie like her needs the most, braaaaaaaains! Braaaaaaaains!

Hee Hee! She hates when I do that. Actually she wasn't naughty at all and so I bought her a scarf. A pink scarf and maybe she will let me borrow it.

And what did You get from the jolly old elf this year?

Stitches!

TV with Margi V

Watching television the other day with Colette because we are mad for Christmas specials. Rudolph, Frosty, Mr. Heat Miser, Abominable, and all of the other horrific Yuletide creatures. We were watching some festive show or other when, during a commercial break, we saw an advertisement for a video game filled with murder and face punching. Maybe there was a little mayhem, too. I don't really remember. Then there was another commercial for yet another video game.

This one was called Zombie Summer Camp.

The basic premise, or so I gathered, was that you are a ten year old kid named Jimmy who is sent away to Camp Attawaugan for summer vacation, and sometime during your first night away from home zombies invade the camp and start eating all the kids, some of whom return from the dead and try to eat you.

Onscreen we watched as Little Jimmy rammed a skewer with a flaming marshmallow on the end through the chest of an attacking zombie, driving the rotter back into the campfire.

I was about to make comment condemning the game when I realized that Colette was making that snorty snuffling noise that meant she was laughing.

"You think this is funny?

On screen, Jimmy was fending off three zombie cub scouts with a canoe paddle.

"Yes," she said. "I...do."

In the last sequence, Jimmy whipped a live squirrel at a dead camp counselor. We both started laughing then.

"Popeye...loves...this game," she said.

"Get out."

"Seriously. His favorite...weapon...is the...tent...spikes."

"He kills zombies? In the game?"

"He says it...is...cathartic."

I giggled some more.

"That Popeye is a weird kid," I said.

Anyway, I thought those were strange commercials to run during children's holiday shows.

"I wonder...what's on...ABC Family?" Colette said.

I changed the channel.

Wow! Look at the Wall!

Since I've been away, we've had our three thousandth member join the Wall! OMZ! Trads, zombies, and I think one werewolf!

In other news, by using a very complex mathematical formula, I have determined that incidents of bullying the undead are down 17.63% percent at Oakvale High (if you would like a copy of my highly scientificalogical study you can post a request here). Differently biotic kids are becoming much more active--no wait that doesn't sound right--they are becoming much more animated--no wait that's not right, either--they are becoming much more involved in school activities. There are a few zombies in the upcoming school play, The Crucible, there is a zombie on the wrestling team, and my pal Melissa (also a zombie) has joined the yearbook committee. Zombies everywhere! And still more coming to the school all the time.

Colette is back at school, did I mention? We already had an adventure! With Phoebe!

Are zombies attending your school? How is that going? What sorts of activities are they doing there?

Coming Soon!

The Zombie Meme Replay

We have lots of new zom--I'm sorry, differently biotic kids here in town, so Phoebe thought that it might be nice if I reposted The Zom--I mean, differently b--no, I don't. I mean the Zombie Meme. Here it is, and anyone new to the Wall is welcome to post your answers here or on Facebook.

The Zombie Meme:

1. How did you die?
2. How long have you been gone?
3. Death age/true age?
4. What do you miss most about being alive?
5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie?
6. How did your family react to you coming back?
7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie?
8. Visible signs of zombiism?
9. Goals/ambition?
10. "If I were alive today, I would..."

And here are my answers to The Zombie Meme:

1. How did you die? Um, I didn't. Yet.
2. How long have you been gone? I'm still here but I haven't blogged in awhile!
3. Death age/true age? Sweet sixteen!
4. What do you miss most about being alive? I think I would miss ice cream
5. What, if anything, is cool about being a zombie? The inability to feel pain would be sort of cool
6. How did your family react to you coming back? My family would be mostly OK with me being a zombie. I think.
7. Most humiliating moment as a zombie? I can't imagine anything more humiliating than my last blogs
8. Visible signs of zombiism? There would be none--I am an artiste with makeup
9. Goals/ambition? Sigh. First kiss. A real first kiss. Hopefully while I'm still alive!
10. "If I were alive today, I would..." Be very, very thankful.

See ya!
Margi

Mystery Solved

So then Colette asks me if I liked the valentine she gave me.

"What valentine?" I ask.

"You know," she says. "The one with the kitties."

This after I have already embarrassed myself with all three of my suspects. This after have already called the girl Watson to my Holmes.

"Colette," I say. "do you mean the valentine that I have spent the past two weeks trying to discover who it came from? That one?"

Colette looked confused. "You didn't know that was from me? I thought you'd gotten a mystery valentine and that's what we were trying to find. I thought you recognized the kitty one."

"Recognize it?" I said. "what do you mean recognize it? That wasn't your handwriting."

"I know," she says. "It's yours."

"What?

"You gave me that card when we were in first grade."

I took the card out of my bag. Yes I have been carrying it around all the time so shut up. The written words were wobbly but I guess that could have been my handwriting back then. And the "Margi" I guess could have been a signature rather than a greeting. And I guess I have always liked kitties.

But then ni reverted quickly to Sherlock Vachon mode, all suspicious-like.

"Wait just a minute," I said. "How did you get this, then?"

See, when Colette died and came back her parents literally chased her off of her front lawn with garden implements and wouldn't let her return. And then they moved away and didn't tell her where they were going.

"My brother," she said, and she was smiling. "He's back from the war. He found some of my things in the basement of my parents' new home and sent them to me."

"Your brother? How did he find you?"

"He saw my photo on the Virual Wall of the Dead," she said. He never believed them when they told him I didn't come back.". She sort of laughed. "Margi, he's going to come see me."

I shrieked right there in the hallway and hugged her because I was so happy for her. And because her brother is kind of hot, at let he was a few years ago when he left for his service. I was so happy I didn't even mind that I didn't really have a secret admirer and that nobody loves me and I am destined to die a lonely old spinster with a dozen cats.

Ok maybe I was a little disappointed. But mostly I was just happy for my friend.

Another Newlydead Suspect Eliminated

It wasn't Travis, either.

Turns out he has a girlfriend back in his hometown somewhere in Long Island. I guess the schools aren't as welcoming to the undead there or something. Colette, who is Watson to my Sherlock, Robin to my Batman, Kato to my Clouseau (although her kung fu is weak!) overheard him bragging to his friends about his "wicked hot trad girlfriend" back on "the Island". She couldn't get close enough to see, but apparently he backed up his claims with some Facebook-ish type evidence.

"Yeah, right," says I. "The old 'girlfriend back at home' ploy. I ain't buyin' that snake oil, sistah!"

Sometimes, when I have a mystery to solve, I find that it helps to wear a fedora and talk tough like a 1940's L.A. gumshoe. I didn't have a fedora, though, just this really cute black with pink polka dots headband. Colette just looked at me like I was crazy.

"He had messages from her," she said. "And pictures."

"Right," I said. I decided that confrontation was the key.

"Hey, Trav," I said when we were walking to his next class, on what was supposed to be the last day of me chaperoning him, "I need to ask you..."

"Look," he said. "Before you hit on me, you should know I have a wicked hot girlfriend on the Island."

"What?" I said, and then he proceeded to tell me how he'd been seeing her for three years, they are in love, they will be together as soon as super-science finds a cure for zombiism, etc. etc. etc.

"Really, Travis? OMZ!"

"Look, Margi," he said. "Don't be sad. You are cute and all, but Bree and me...it's really love."

Grr. I wasn't hitting on him, for the record.

And now, to talk to Eric and find out what this kitty obsession is all about!

Mysteries Among Mysteries

Okay, so my "Secret Admirer" wasn't Luis.


How do I know? you may well ask. Well, I used all of my considerable powers of deduction, espionage, observation, and detection. And plus I asked him why he put the card with the kitties on it in my locker.


"What...card?" he said.


The problem with differently biotic people--okay, problem is the wrong word, if Phoebe bothered to edit my entries any more she'd slap my wrist for suggesting that anything about the poor dead dears was problematical--what I meant to say was one of the many unique and endearing distinguishing characteristics of differently biotic people is that it is nearly impossible to tell when they are lying. They don't blush. Their eyes don't twitch up and to the left, they don't shake, and you can't tell if there is an additional quaver in their voice. All of which adds up to me not really being able to tell when they are lying. And they do lie. Colette Marie Beauvoir especially is always telling lies. I know you stole my pink socks, Colette! Confess! Confess!


But Luis wasn't lying. I didn't need telepathetic powers to tell me that.


"With...kitties?" he said.


"Never mind," I said.




So now my attention turns to the other new kids, Travis and Eric. This time I will need to be more cunning, more subtle. A direct question wouldn't work with Eric or Travis; Eric would get scared, Travis would make jokes. I'll have to bide my time...



But what if it isn't one of them, as I originally thought? What if the card is a joke, as some of you suggested, or what if it isn't from a secret admirer at all but a secret creeper? Brrrr.



By the way, it isn't from Norm. Don't ask me how I know. I just do.



BTW and OMZ, after I asked about the card, Luis said he "liked me". Bells rang. School bells, not wedding bells of course, so he didn't really have time to elaborate.

A Mystery...

So I ended up getting a valentine after all. It was a day late, but who's complaining? The valentine came in a little red envelope and had a pastel drawing of two kittens, the boy kitten (you could tell it was the boy kitten because it had a blue bow, and the girl kitten had a pink bow and long eyelashes) with his tiny forepaws clutched over his heart, and he was beseeching his sweetie to "Be my Valentine?". It looked like the sort of card you'd get by the bagful when you were in kindergarten or first grade and then, sadly, never get again in your life. And the card was signed...well, that's the mystery. It wasn't signed. It had been pushed through the gap in my locker until just the corner of it was sticking out.

I have three suspects--I mentioned a little while ago that I would be chaperoning a group of newlydead kids around the school? Three of them are boys, and I am pretty certain that the Valentine came from one of them. Which is very flattering at all but I assure you that I was very professional in my chaperoning and not flirtatious at all so I hope none of them got the wrong idea.

Meet the suspects--

Eric
Eric is very quiet and shy but he did tell me that he died because of a long illness. He didn't tell me what the illness was but I get the idea that he was bedridden or hospitalized for a long time; he is very frail and his skin tone is a shade paler than most zombies, even. He has very wide blue eyes that almost look too big for his face, but he doesn't let you look at them very long. We didn't get the chance to talk much but I know he really likes cartoons. I think he said Invader Zim was his favorite.

Travis
Travis is almost the polar opposite of Eric; he's one of the most outgoing zombies I've ever met. He apparently died as a result of a Jackass-style stunt he tried to do involving a dirt bike, a long ramp, and a woodpile. He said that he was impaled on a tree branch during the stunt and died, and then he asked me if I wanted to see the scar. Omz, no! He bla bla bla'd the whole time I spent walking him around--he talks so fast that he nearly sounds trad, and all of his stories involved some extreme activity he'd done--rock climbing in Utah, white water rafting in Colorado, shark hunting off the coast of Florida. His parents are "rich and still love him even though he's dead" and I wasn't sure which fact was more important that I understand.

I guess I'm kind of painting him out to be a blowhard but actually he was kind of funny once he settled down a bit. And although it sounds grisly and sick, he had a whole table of us--trad and zombie alike--laughing at the story of his death. Not many zombies have a sense of humor about that stuff so that at least was refreshing.

Luis
He's the mystery within the mystery, because he shared almost nothing with me. Eric was shy but he'd at least answer a question when you asked it; and unlike Eric, Luis would maintain eye contact an uncomfortably long time. Zombies do that, especially newlydeads who haven't regained much of their functionality, so I don't think he was being intentionally creepy. Plus he has really nice dark eyes and I bet it if he were still alive he'd be really good looking. That sounds really shallow and judgemental--he's still kind of good looking, but if he was alive he'd look even better. You get the idea. But I got almost nothing from Luis at all about his background. About the only thing that he said to me unprompted was "I like...your...bracelets...and your...hair," which was very sweet and nice of him and probably the only remotely flirty thing any of the three said to me the first week I was showing them around. But the Kitten Kard? Doesn't seem like his style, somehow.

So those are our suspects. What do you think? Who slipped the valentine into my locker? Eric? Travis? Luis? Or...someone else?

I'll share more clues as I discover them...

Happy Valentine's Day

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so I thought I would wish you all, zombie and trad alike, a happy one. I hope that you have a happy one filled with mushy cards, flowers, and free candy. Especially free candy. Last year some trad kid gave Karen a box of candy, which I guess was really sweet of him but, guess what? Zombies don't eat, brainiac! Karen did eat one, though, before giving me the rest of the box which I very greedily devoured barely sharing any because I can be that way sometimes. I did ask Karen the next day if she wanted another one (I had a few left, and I suspected that they were pretty much all those chewy chocolate covered caramel ones, yuck) but she declined and then did some Jedi mind trick where she told me exactly how many I ate and what order I ate them in. Spoooky! But we miss yoooouuuu, Karen! Where are you? When ya coming home? Anyhow, she didn't have any more of the chocolates and I wondered if giving a zombie a chocolate was like giving a dog a chocolate but that really isn't a good thing to speculate about, omz!

I do not have a special sweetie (sob) but that does not mean my heart is not filled with love. Some of the nastier, meaner zombies (yes, I'm talking to you, Popeye) call us beating hearts as some sort of insult, but I actually think it is kind of a nice thing to be called. They like being called zombies, so go figure.

Anyhow, a certain zombie believes that love is the answer to making dead hearts beat again. I look forward to the day when that happens, for everyone. Maybe tomorrow!

March of the Newlydeads

Busy week here at Oakvale High. We have like seventeen feet of snow on the ground (Okay, that's an exaggeration. A slight one) and we had two snow days and two delays this week. Plus, various sporting events and after school activities were cancelled. And everyone is in just a rotten mood. Rotten, rotten, rotten. I don't think anyone likes the snow except for maybe T.C., and the only reason that T.C. likes it is because there was a group of differently biotic kids coming up the icy concrete steps, and the maintenance staff hadn't done a very good job of sanding...and let's just say the results were not pretty. Unless you were T.C., who was standing on the sidewalk and pointing and laughing like that bully kid on the The Simpsons. And so I whipped out my mad ninja skillz and totally ginsued him with my flying fists of fury, and then I reduced him to a fine red mist with some Norrisian roundhouse kicks.

Except I don't really have mad ninja skillz. I do have mad notebook-decorating skillz, and crazy mad fashion skillz, but neither of those superhero-quality abilities seemed of use at the moment. So I just stuck my tongue out at him.

But not all of the week was bad. There are five, count them, five new newlydeads coming to school next week. Five! Omz! And guess who was appointed by Principal Kim to be the special Orientation Ambassador for these lucky, lucky students? That's right, yours truly. I'll get to show the new kids around the school and hang out and help them get acclimated and all that fun stuff. It should be fun, fun, fun!

Classes sure are getting crowded, though.

OMZ!

That's my new catch phrase--OMZ, as in "Oh my zombie!" I always thought it was kind of blasphemous dropping the "G" word for every little silly thing that happens online or in life.

Omz, that's such a pretty dress!

Omz, Adam, you are so funny!

or

I can't come over tonight, Phoebe. Omz, I have so much homework to do.

I looked up Omz on Wikipedia and it turns out it is also the initials of a large Russian-based international heavy industry and manufacturing conglomerate. Oh well. Sorry, large Russian-based international heavy industry and manufacturing conglomerate! Omz is now the official catchphrase of Margi Vachon!

Don't know if you have following the news, but ever since Tommy's successes in the nations capital, there have been more and more reports of international zombie-ness. There's bunches of 'em in Canada and Mexico. There's dozens in the U.K. and France and Spain. Yay, Euro-zombies. And, omz, there's supposedly some in Tokyo, too! How cool is that?

Of course, not all these reports are credible, and supposedly some governments are suppressing zombies just like in the United States, and etc., etc., etc.

So if you know any international differently biotic folks, tell them we support them. Tell them to stop by, even! I'd love to hear zombie spoken with a French accent! Omz, that would be great!

Margi Interviews DeCayce

Hello--I'm turning MSCU over to Margi this week for her interview with DeCayce! Hope you enjoy it!

--Phoebe


Hi this is Margi Vachon and I am sitting with DeCayce, the lead singer of Skeleton Crew. If you aren’t familiar with Skeleton Crew—and why would you be, because it isn’t like you can buy their CD in a store or anything—they are a punk band from New Jersey that is unique because they have a zombie lead singer. DeCayce the zombie and this is my interview with him.


Margie: Hi, DeCayce
DeCayce: Hi, Margi
(Note: DeCayce has a lot of pauses in his speech but I’m not going to try and type those out or anything. It is hard enough trying to type along with this stupid recorder. Sometimes I think the pauses are because he’s a zombie and sometimes I think it is just because he thinks a lot before he says anything)

Margi: So is DeCayce your real name?
DeCayce: Sort of my. My real name is Casey Dimello. So, Casey D. D. Casey.


Margi: Well plus that’s like a cool name because it is like a pun about zombies. You know, like ‘decay’.
DeCayce: Oh, you caught that?

Margi: So anyway, you’ve been in Skeleton Crew for how long?
DeCayce: Since about a month after I died.

Margi: Seriously?
DeCayce: Yes. Before I died the band we were in was called The Polynesian Gods of Southern New Jersey.

Margi: What?
DeCayce: We were a surf band.

Margi: You were in a different band with the same guys? Before you died?DeCayce: Yes.

Margi: That’s so cool! How did you die?
DeCayce: I leaped to my death from a hotel balcony tower while shouting “I am a golden god.”

Margi: No way. Really?
DeCayce: No.

Margi: Come on, how did you die?
DeCayce: I prefer not to say.
Margi: Fine, be that way. Well, were you always the singer for the band?

DeCayce: Yes. When I was alive I also played guitar, but it is very difficult for me to move my fingers fast enough on the frets now. But I am relearning.

Margi: Wow. That’s kind of sad.
DeCayce: Yes. It is.

Margi: I heard that you write a lot of the songs.
DeCayce: Yes. I write most of the lyrics. We all help write the music.

Margi: What about I’m Only Dead on the Outside? Did you write that one?
DeCayce: Yes

Margi: What about Differently Biotic, Differently Neurotic?
DeCayce: Yes. The lyrics.

Margi: Living is Like Dying? Lost the Plot?
DeCayce: Yes. And yes.

Margi: Across the Universe ?
DeCayce: No.

Margi: Hah! Just kidding. That was Fiona Apple.
DeCayce: Actually, it was—

Margi: I know who it is dummy I’m just kidding you. So, do you have any wild stories about being on the road?
DeCayce: You mean like when bioist jerks throw bottles at me?

Margi: I was thinking like whether or not you have groupies. Other than Colette.
DeCayce: Colette isn't a groupie. She's my soul mate.

Margi: Ew, whatever.
DeCayce: I wouldn’t call them groupies, but we have some fans, I guess.

Margi: Do you have more dead ones, you think, or living ones?
DeCayce: Hard to say, because sometimes it is hard for differently biotic people to get to the shows. I’m glad we have so many traditionally biotic people cheering us on.

Margi: Lots of girls think you are really hot. Which I think is pretty weird.
DeCayce: Yeah. Thanks for that.

Margi: Even beating hearts. You guys are pretty good, though.
DeCayce: Thank you.

Margi: Not as good as the Misfits were, though. Or The Damned.
DeCayce: Well, those are great bands. Legends.

Margi: Or the Others. Or Blitzkid, or Son of Sam.
DeCayce: Those are some great bands, too.

Margi: Or. Michale Graves. Or the Morgue Staff Rejects. My Chemical Romance. Paramore.
DeCayce: Ok, I get it.

Margi: Green Day. You aren’t bad, though. For a local band. Buckcherry.
DeCayce: Yeah, thanks.

Margi: So what’s next for Skeleton Crew?
DeCayce: More practice, apparently.

Margi: Come on! Don't be so sensitive!
DeCayce: Well, we’re thinking about recording a CD once we have enough money to get the studio time. I’m not sure if we’ll do it as a digital download or what.

Margi: Any new songs? Or the same old stuff I’ve heard you play at your last three shows?
DeCayce: We’ve got a new song that Dominic wrote. It is called “Karen”.
Margi: No way.

DeCayce: Way. We’re not sure what we’re going to call the album, though. We’re thinking either “Love Never Dies” or “Generation Dead”.
Margi: Go with the first one. The second will never fly.

DeCayce: Yeah, thanks for your always trenchant commentary.
Margi: No problem. Just make sure you thank me in the liner notes.

That’s all for today, everyone! This is Margi Vachon, intrepid girl reporter, signing off! Skeleton is on tour right now playing all ages shows anywhere that will have them! Check local club listings!

Membership Drive--Successful

Thanks to those of you who encouraged friends to join the Wall, which now has over seven hundred members.

You know what I don't miss at all? Allergies. Poor Margi has been sneezing up a storm.